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Pretty Petty Thieves

Pretty Petty Thieves

Liam crouched on the newspaper pecking at a desultory chip.  He didn’t want it — he was still full from the Cornetto he’d nicked off the toddler in Walkergate — but he didn’t want any of his mates to have it either, the greedy bastards. A flurry of feathers and fish scales in the air above him signalled […]

This Ironic Lady is Not for Turning

This Ironic Lady is Not for Turning

For once I envy the position of the Tweeddale Press. They know not to get embroiled in politics. They know their readership well enough to avoid talking about wider issues, keeping to micro matters instead: the cake sales, amateur dramatics and petty thefts. They are, inasmuch as a newspaper can (yet never should) be, apolitical. […]

Porn AGAIN, Christian?

Porn AGAIN, Christian?

Here are a few terms on my cliché hit list that make me so peevish I want to stab something with my Uniball Vision Elite. Personal journey – recounted by earnest narcissists to people unable to escape from a corner.  While suggestive of distance travelled, the majority of personal journeys are nothing more than the emotional equivalent […]

The Story Always Old & Always New

The Story Always Old & Always New

This is the story of an unremarkable man who one evening in April this year, having lived an unremarkable life, quietly stepped out of his body leaving it empty and falling to the ground like a magician’s cloak. For this unremarkable man the narrative was over, yet Time – without pause, without slowing in any way […]

Needing Some Relief

Needing Some Relief

It has been a funny old week.  One of those weeks that peeks in your diary and laughs as it scribbles out the events you had planned and draws willies instead.  For our week at NOT BAd has followed its own agenda, with scant regard for us and our careful scheduling. We shall start at the beginning … Last Friday, we scooted […]