Tag Archive | Berwick Town Council

B&M Opening Hailed as Society Event of the Year

B&M Opening Hailed as Society Event of the Year

The opening of a new retail outlet extolling cheap stuff from China as must-have lifestyle purchases has been lauded by Berwick’s Civic Party as the society event of the year. Complete with several cheerful balloons in B&M Bargains’ smart livery of electric blue and orange, the inaugural ribbon-cutting ceremony was undertaken by Mayor Isabel Hunter and representatives of North Northumberland […]

Conchita Wurst Drafted in to Rescue Town Council

Conchita Wurst Drafted in to Rescue Town Council

Eurovision winner Conchita Wurst has been drafted in by Northumberland County Council to steer beleaguered Berwick Town Council back from the brink of self-destruction as name-calling reached critical mass at 3.15pm last Thursday afternoon. A statement issued by Northumberland County Council Leader Grant Davey, Labour, stated: “Owing to the ongoing dispute between several Berwick Town Councillors, we feel […]

Vampire Deputy Mayor Georgina Hill Savaged by Tory Clan Overlord

Vampire Deputy Mayor Georgina Hill Savaged by Tory Clan Overlord

Berwick Deputy Mayor and first-generation vampire Georgina Hill has been fiercely criticised by clan elder, the powerful Lord Viktor of House Halidon. Lord Viktor, who prefers to go by the name Councillor John Stephenson, is reportedly furious that Hill has failed in her Conservative duty to be sly, secretive, untrustworthy and altogether wrong. “Georgina Hill […]